Mistic Pets

Welcome to Issue 41
Created by The Mistic Pets Team

Znakes on a Plane: A Hypothetical Film Review
Written By Fallout

Congrats to puredream for winning my birthday contest! Here is a hypothetical review of her version of a film based on Misticpets.

When I first heard word of the new Misticpets movie, I was ecstatic! After all, no one is a better Misticpets fan than me (no one!), and I bought my tickets the second they were on sale. I was expecting an epic action film depicting the Imp vs. Sprite wars or a Mistmas-themed horror film about Queen Boreal, anything but what I got...that is of course, “Znakes on a Plane”.

Written and directed by some person I've never heard of named “puredream”, the plot concerns several znakes on their quest for flight. Tired of being Mistica's underdogs, they strived to rise above the lesser Misticans through the wonders of flight and make the startling discovery that planes have already been invented! The znakes elect one Zac the Znake, an acrophobic znake who took credit for another znake's discovery of planes and the secret to flight in order to impress one of the scientists on the project, to lead their project and test the flight capabilities of airplanes. After sneaking onto a plane full of unwitting passengers via wacky hijinks, Zac and the znakes have to survive whackings and angry rivals to achieve their goals.

Billed as a high budget action flick, Znakes on a Plane is really more of a quirky romantic comedy with a few action scenes thrown in as a desperate bid to keep audiences watching. While I admired the writer's attempt at humor I do question many other choices, like the random song and dance number towards the middle of the film or the casting decisions, especially regarding the human characters (the flight attendant in particular) who are so wooden, watching them act practically gave me splinters on my eyeballs.

The special effects were laughably bad and the znakes were obviously replaced with puppets and rubber replicas to avoid any excess cruelty during action scenes and scenes depicting the Mistican tradition of Znake Whacking. One scene depicting a znake wandering around the airport was created by wiggling a gummy worm in front of the camera, suggesting that they might have forgotten to shoot the scene while the znake actors were still there and used the next best thing instead.

This film would not please even the children in the audience and I wold plead with you all not to go see it if it weren't the fact that you all already bought your tickets and plan to watch it anyway to see if it really is all that bad. Guess it's time to prepare my review for the sequel, Znakes on a Plane II, out in theaters late 2014...

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